To feeling so loved; to be called 'beautiful' instead of 'pretty' or 'hot' (not like I get called those, even; but you get my drift). To be looked at in the eye and be told that I cut myself short, and be constantly reminded that I'm beautiful... That is something that touches me deeper than you would probably ever guess and understand. Because it does wonders to someone who has been led to believe her entire life that she is 'ugly', 'fat', 'useless', 'not-trying-hard enough', and 'stupid'.
For the first time, I understand what this quote means:
Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
I've been complaining all my life about how I had the worst luck in the relationship department; of course, that isn't to say that I don't appreciate what each relationship taught me, but I finally understand. I have been 'filtering' through (for lack of better word) all this while. And though I may not see it then, I see it now. I'm thankful that it hadn't worked out with anyone else. (No offense y'all.)
For the first time in my life, I also felt what it was like to cry happy tears, instead of just sad ones. It was a weird feeling the first time; the only times I cried were due to negativity before this. Of course I knew that there were both happy and sad crying, but personally I had always associated crying with that heavy feeling in your bones and that ache in your heart. Of course I did; it was all I knew. It was a foreign feeling to be crying; yet feeling so light and weightless on the inside. I remember my first thought as I wept after receiving your parcel from the post office: 'so this is how it feels like to be crying happy tears'. In all my 26-ish years, I finally know how it feels like because of you.
I have always dreamt of the typical boy-turns-up-and-surprises-girl-at-her-d
... although, the surprise was kinda leaked out the day before by Usha & Michael.... xD Oh, and Billy too, now that I think about it. =p
The feeling of hearing the doorbell and swiping the curtains aside only to see you standing outside the gate with a smile... is something I won't soon forget, and you have no idea how much that means to me.
And to think... how you cleverly avoided and dodged my questions about whether you would be coming back... you sneaky little bugger. ;p
And of course, there's that attractiveness when you get protective, not possessive. You do not hesitate to put your arms around me or hug me in public, and even in front of the others.
You send me gifts all the way from where you are, just because you 'think I'd like it'.
SGA, thank you, honestly, from the bottom of my heart. <3